MEN on Steve Harvey's "Act Like a Lady"

Hey Ladies,

This book is ridic... I could write like EIGHT blogs on this. Work and school got me busy, and since I don't want to be laid off, I better get back to it. BUT, I wanted to share this clip because I went online to see what men thought about Steve Harvey's "Act Like a Lady" and found this....

These ignant A-holes are mad because they feel like "their secret" is out.....

UNREAL.

PS. Please get a copy of this book if you haven't already read it. I recommend informing yourself of the ignorant thinking out there so that you don't get blindsided.

If you meet any man that sounds like the fools on this clip, please back all the way up....quickly.

Safe Sex. Indian Style

Don't ask me how I found this, but I needed to do something to make myself laugh after all this 6.8% madness.

Enjoy.

In Case You Don't Believe Me About 401ks Being Places for Your Nest Egg To Die...

Check out this blog from nytimes.com:

http://roomfordebate.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/03/25/so-much-for-the-401k-now-what/

At least I ain't the only one.

STEPS TO ECONOMIC RECOVERY

In a nutshell, this has been a terrible week (and it's not even Friday). As I began preparing for my graduation, I decided I would investigate options to refinance my student loans.

But, guess what? All student loan refinance programs where discontinued a year ago.

So when I was signing off on Stafford loans at 6.8% thinking I would just get a better rate later, I was wrong. $109,000. At 6.8% over 10 years. You don't need to take Foundations of Finance to know that means only one thing: I AM VERY POOR.

I can't afford a home. I can't afford babies. I can't even afford a new outfit. All my plans to buy an apartment this summer, ruined. The market has made me a victim. I've been running around scoffing in the face of the recession, and the shit has caught up to me. Last night, in desperation I text every man in my phone asking if they would take care of me, and I got one offer to throw me a fundraiser. Another told me to join the club because he can't even get the last $2,500 together to pay his tuition, so he won't be walking in graduation. NO response from the others.

Men are clearly useless. I see I have to get my own paper because no one else is supplying.

So after a day of being on the phone with realtors, mortgage brokers, federal loan consolidators, etc., here is the JMAR Economic Recovery plan:

1- I cannot buy an apartment until I save another $20k (I know, that’s mad money, and the realtor said it like I was playing myself to even call with questions. Does green mean nothing anymore?). This basically means if I keep saving $3,200 a month, I will be in my momma’s house until December 2009. I will look at my budget again, and see if I can get this up to $3,500. No new clothes. No expensive trips (thank god I am celebrating my graduation on the cheap side of Nassau because Paradise Island would have broke my budget). NO NOTHING, except an LIRR pass and some fruit.

2- If my company stock stays at $74 (which I cannot rely on because of this economy), I will cash it out in September, and that’s another $7,400. No, I don't care about the future returns. I may not be around that long. Gimme my money--NOW!

3- I will consolidate my wack a** Staffords in May after graduation and I will be very bitter about it. I will pay minimums and in another year, I will go ahead and refinance my mortgage (likely to be 2011) to include this waste of cash. I am sure by 2011, the economy will still be bad enough that mortgage rates will be lower than the 6.8% that the gov’t is charging me. Obama betta get on it fast. Otherwise, he will be hearing from me like my name was Michelle.

4- I will put no money into 401ks, or any other investment vehicle invented by the white devil EVER AGAIN. My 401k went from almost $16k last September to nearly half of that after Lehman crashed, and now after tax and early withdrawal penalties, all I will keep is $2,444.
Yes, $2,444.

When I called Vanguard, the chick pleaded "You can't react to the market...blah blah BLAH," and I said "What interest will I earn when my account hits ZERO?" She stayed quiet and responded, "Let me process that withdrawal m’am."

Makes you understand why people shoot up public buildings. Now I know what the Madoff victims feel like. From now on, I will trust only God, my mattress and my dad's guns. I'm bringing piggy banks back like it was the eighties (the last time our economy went to shit).

5- If I am lucky to make a commission at all this year, then that will also go under the mattress to help me accelerate the December 2009 due date.

All I have to say is where is my bailout?

If all else fails, you are welcome to visit me in Africa.

Noel - silent morning

Trying to pass the time at work. My officemate just won tickets to Hot 97's Freestyle Extravaganzaaaa.... took me back to the days I used to listen to this.

Why do I still love this song? (This should be info I keep to myself). His vest is fierce.

Will Smith: Apparently the USA ain't racist anymore....

Just wanted to share this writer's response to recent statements made by Will Smith saying that the election of Barack Obama to the presidency somehow is evidence that America is no longer racist.

This response is pretty on point: http://blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=15116190&blogID=471116768

A Trip Down Memory Lane

The following list is a compilation of nicknames that have been utilized for men that have entertained us over the years. I am sorry if I didn’t get to include any of your favorites on the list. Please note that it is important to refer to men by using an epithet or colorful nickname until he deserves the proper respect of using his full government. This will keep you from unnecessarily catching feelings because every time you say his name, you will want to laugh.

• 6’7 aka Daddy of the Year – A man of great heights (literally) who is yet to acknowledge his two children in conversation, like he didn’t give out his card, with his website, which includes the bio.

• Nassau – Because he is from the Bahamas.

• Big Brother aka the Jamaican – Named for his pledge name which was found on google (yes, I google every dude I talk to. This is a must.) Also known for his country of origin, similar to Nassau.

• Big Body aka 6’4 240 – A bouncer with a rather large, notable physique.

• Tutti Frutti – Because we always wondered if he was really gay.

• Casper – Because this cat was ghost. Dated for two weeks, made shorty meet moms, and then disappeared.

• Romeo – Because he used to add an O to the end of his name when he hollered at chicks.

• Big Stick, Can’t Hit – Because he is obsessed with his own penis, and for the last 8 years, has never failed to mention its size in conversation, and he will NEVER hit.

• The German aka Nazi – Half-black, half-German, nickname depends on the status of the relationship.

• Nice Dude – Nice enough, just not that interesting.

• Don Lemon – Because he was on-air newscaster on a local cable station, the closet thing I ever came to the real thing.

• London - Professional soccer player and Teddy Bear. Jamaican by birth, but raised in London. You may remember him from "A Miami Tale" (see Thursday, June 5, 2008 post).

• The Stalker – Because he calls 20 times in a row, even after not speaking for months.

• The Jerk Off Guy – Jerked off on the first date before going to a mall. Needless to say, never saw him again. That’s just gross.

• Cosmos – Because he always references fate, the stars and other astrological phenomena.

• Midget aka the Arab DJ – This was just a bad experience all together. The only thing shorter was the dude.

• The Unmentionable – Because I am too afraid to say his name lest the devil may appear.

• Spaghetti – This one needs no explanation. If you can’t figure it out, you are reading the wrong blog.

• The 4 Davids – All from different boroughs. Queens, Bronx, Brooklyn, Manhattan. Everything but Staten Island, because who does Staten Island.

• Officer Fernandez – He was cop, although can’t remember the real name.

• Breeze: He introduced himself as Breeze. I said my name was the Wind. My friend said she was the rain. To which he replied: "well, we can all get together and make a thunderstorm." Later discovered he had too many kids to count. And his facebook status changed from married to single and back, regularly.

• Booz: Short for Booz Allen. Liked to grow out his facial hair to please women and had a thing for Jamie Foxx (yes, his sexuality was suspect).

• L.L. Bean: Best friends with Booz, and named for his affinity for boring sweaters. He also liked Jamie Foxx a ton, and was more interested in girls' resumes than anything else. Said suspect things like, "I was proud of myself today. I lost 2 lbs."

• Malcolm X: He was a whore all 4 years of college, until second semester senior year, at which point he decided he was going to turn his life over to Islam, and move to Saudi Arabia to play basketball. No joke. I wish I was kidding.

Who can forget the Bank Dudes, because there were several (this was last summer, before the collapse of the economy. All have since been laid off):

• Chase – Worked as a Personal Banker at Chase. Was on the simple side, but he looked like Method Man, so he lasted for a bit.

• Wamu aka the Hulk – Worked at Washington Mutual before it went under; also had a thing for body building that was rather disturbing.

• JP – Because he worked on the Investment side. Said things like “make sure you wear your drinking shoes.” Never actually went on a date, although I was included in his mass promoter-type emails inviting me to free parties.

• Bank of America aka Niga (NI- JAH, not the other n word) – The former name because of his employment, the latter because he was Nigerian, and referred to his boys as "Nigas."

• Goldman – Another one barely worth mentioning. Barely taller than the midget.

There was also a United Nations Series: a few Puerto Ricans, a Cuban, Grenada, Regular Black, Midwest Black, Down South Black, Harlem Black, Brooklyn Cats—Coney Island and Canarsie get special attention. The Bronx (my personal favorite, because even though I HATE the borough, every man I have ever dated has been off either the 2/5 or the 1/9). Dominican Republic aka Dyckmans. Panama. Two Half-Filipinos. Morocco (Yikes! Early blog readers will recall this one), and the list goes on.

So ladies, please be sure to find to retire the habit of referring to dudes by their real names, because nicknames just make it that much more interesting.