There are seldom topics that arise so important they awake one out of their sleep at 2:29 a.m. on a Sunday, but this one could wait no longer. Lately, I have found myself noticing a trend in today's dating scene that merits some attention: the correlation between a man's height and (1) his personal achievement, (2) his sexual prowess, and (3) his propensity for relationships. My original hypothesis was that tall men, [ herein referred to as "big dudes"] defined as 6" or taller without the aid of shoe lifts or other devices, would be more successful that short men [herein defined as "lil dudes"]. Along with this assumption followed that they would be better in bed, and would therefore make better husbands. This blog post will discuss the research I did to prove this hypothesis, and the outcome of the information I have gathered. Extensive sampling was done to test correlation #1--career success. Men sampled were surveyed in bars, on NYC streets, the subway, academic environments, parks, restaurants, tattoo parlors, clubs, and gyms. To test correlation #2, we largely relied on second-hand information and anecdotal stories told by the women who helped to conduct the research on part 1. Correlation #3 was largely determined by the results of part 1 and 2 (eg. no job and wack sex was an indicator of poor relationship material), and so therefore it did not require separate sampling. In all instances, the data on the man's height was taken by observation, with the researcher taking into account the size of her heels to get rid of any bias. Information about career was collected through questions such as: "What do you do? Where do you work? How long will it be until you are off parole?"
I first began my study over a year ago, when I found myself back on the market after an extraordinarily long and useless relationship. As one could imagine, I was excited to go out and find my Mr. TALL, Colored, and Handsome. At 5'7", I want someone who could stand over my, hold me in their arms, and make me feel as safe and petite as a girl at 4'7". Given my height, this usually requires a man of at least 6"2" or better. This can be difficult to find, particularly among Hispanic men, whose origins trace back to the vertically-challenged Aztecs, Incas, and Mayas. Africans and their descendents in the Americas (eg. African-Americans and black Caribbeans) were most likely to pass this height requirement. White men, for all intents and purposes, were largely ignored in the study for reasons that merit a whole new blog. This quest to find a delicious, successful big dude inspired my research. Here are my findings:
Big Dudes:
These men are generally UBER sexy virtue of their rarity in society. Although it is not necessary their height is often accompanied by rather large muscles that induce impure thoughts of wall-climbing sex among the women that they meet. It can be particularly intoxicating when the dimension of the pectorals exceeds the size of a women's head, and this may cause her to overlook other important variables like, well, everything else. As a result of our study, we found that most big dudes can be placed in 5 major categories:
1- Postal workers: UPS, DHL, Fed-Ex, and the post office among others.
2- Transportation workers: truck drivers, men who work at the airport, cab drivers, train conductors and other MTA employees.

4- Law Enforcement, the Military and/or Security
5- Construction workers

As evident by the results of our study, our hypothesis was severly flawed and big dudes are no more successful than lil dudes (in fact we found the opposite). While every profession should be respected, the careers that these men choose are not necessarily the ones that will provide for the most comfortable lifestyle. The women in our study recommended proceeding with caution. We strongly urge you to avoid the newly released and marines returning from Iraq. While it is possible for these types to emjoy semi-regular lives, it is against the odds. Furthermore, because of the transitory nature of their employment, these men are capable of meeting hundreds of women within the span of a typical work day, and thus, they are more likely to objectify the women they meet because they view them as easily replaceable.
If by the grace of God, you are lucky enough to find a big dude that does not fall into one of the above categories, GET ON YOUR GRIND and bag this man before other women snatch him. He is a valuable commodity that may one day even fetch a high price on eBay, given the state of society today. These men should be treated like kings. Women in our study recommended listening to Beyonce's "Cater to You" for inspiration on how to keep these men by your side: http://www.lyrics007.com/Destiny's%20Child%20Lyrics/Cater%20to%20You%20Lyrics.html
To see Destiny's Child perform this inspirational song, please visit: http://video.aol.com/video-detail/destinys-child-cater-to-you/921181560
jmar,
ReplyDeleteI am responding to you for two reasons, I appreciate beauty, and intelligence.
I don't really have any hope of changing your need to catagorize men. I just wish to say that there are exceptions to your rules.
Respectfully,
William