Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Go Get Rejected.

Tis true that there is always an upside to everything, and I have finally found the silver lining to my recent man debacle. I WAS REJECTED!!!!! YESSSSSS!!!!! Part of why I write this blog is to help me (and hopefully you) make sense of all the craziness that happens to and around us day in and day out. And while I can't always understand why in the moment, taking a few minutes out of the day usually puts me a step closer to clarity. And it took a little Nas, a long commute and a good friend to help me realize that there is happiness in rejection.

INFORMATION IS KEY:
While I have been walking around with a "woe-is-me" attitude because I have been made celibant and lonely (and not by choice), I should have realized the beauty in the situation. At least I know. No one wants to be the rebound that lasts 6 years (yes, this happens, I personally know of women that have literally "waited" a man out, thinking it would end with white dresses and flower girls, and all they got was pat on the ass as the walked out). Wouldn't you rather know that there is ZERO potential when your investment and risk level is low? So at least now I know.


I DID IT, AND I DIDN'T DIE:
The second major exciting takeway from my recent rejection is that I was able to put myself out there--no not like that...get your mind out of the gutter. I mean, I identified something I wanted (whether it was meant for me or not is a different story) and I did what I could to get it. I have never in my 26 years ever communicated to a man that I was interested in him. I usually wind up with the one that pursues the hardest, chases the longest and after I exhaust from running (and with the aid of social lubricants like alchohol), I give in. Last New Years, my goal was to break this cycle, and be active in my selection, as opposed to sitting around waiting to be harpooned. And, if nothing else, I accomplished this. At least I can say that I was rejected by the most intellectual, and unequivocally handsome man I have ever known. Better to be rejected by smart and sexy than go out with the loser who can always do a lunch date because he never has a job.

I CAN STOP WONDERING, AND MOVE ON:
This one is simple, but not nearly appreciated the way it should be. Once you know, you can move on. And close the door (as necessary). There is no wondering because you gave it a go, and well, it didn't go. If it wasn't meant to be, then so be it, but at least you don't need to create fantasies or lose sleep wondering what woulda, shoulda, coulda because it can't.

So, if you're feeling up for it, put yourself out there today. Every day. As good friend said to me last night, after wine had numbed the original pain we suffered from our mutual recent rejections, "Put it out there. Why not?" Just to put it into perspective, think of how many doors have been slammed in the face of Black people over centuries. Without those doors closing, the desire for change would have never come about. And we would not have all eventually shared the historic moment that we did on January 20th, as we watched the inauguration of the first African-American President whether at home, out in the cold, online, on TV or the radio. You can't know what you want or appreciate what you have without these pains. Rejection is a part of life.

So go make face time with your boss to start talking about your professional development aka your promotion. Ask someone out. Tell someone you love them. Whatever it may be, go out and get yours. Even if it doesn't go your way, at least you will be better for it. Brighter days are on the horizon.

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