Back to School

Lately, I have been getting a lot of questions from people asking about my thoughts on grad school, whether its a good time to pursue an MBA, and why I hate it so much, mostly from those looking to plan for the next phase of their life.

For many people, graduate school represents a means of achieving social mobility, an expertise in a particular subject matter or a necessary sacrifice to enter the profession of their choice (where would society be without medical schools?)

For me, graduate school has come to represent a whole in my pocket, a tarnish on what had been a stellar academic career, and proof that my early 20's were sheer confusion and madness. So naturally, today, on the first day of classes of my last semester, I am excited at the prospect of being released from what I have endearingly been calling my personal jail. Despite the fact that this will be one of the most strenuous semesters I will have to date--I'm taking 12 credits and working full time--I have never been more excited to walk into the overpriced bookstore or cut that last $18,000 tuition check. Fuck it, I might even buy a tshirt.

I have been preparing lists in my head of things I want to do when I'm done: return to Cuba, visit South africa, write a memoir, take a painting class, participate in a salsa competition.
I will be free from every notion of who I should be or what I should do: "Should do's" and "should be's" got me in this mess in the first place. And at the end of May, I will look back on this and accept that b-school just wasn't for me. I will add this $100k line item to my resume. I am sure it will be worth it some day, just don't ask me when.

I've hated every minute not just because despite being one of the more diverse business schools,

I am very often one of the only people of color in my classes (this is nothing new to me, this has been the case since I was 14). And it wasn't because my first semester stats teacher was a racist, sexist pig who told me he thought I had learning problems (to which I politely let him know that had I actually had learning problems, I am sure they would have surfaced PRIOR to me graduating from an ivy-league undergraduate institution or before being accepted to the #1 Part-time program in the country. Idiot!). And it wasn't because despite costing $1,400 a credit, we never had printers that work. I was even ok with the fact that everyone wore the same light pink button down with khakis and the same cheap sterling silver cufflinks (my brand strategy professor once commented that he felt like a memo should be sent to students letting them know that there was no place for khakis and cuffs at school. Clearly fashion is not our strong suit). To be honest, I have hard time communicating what makes the place so damn vile.

It wasn't until at a birthday party for a good friend that it finally made sense. While catching up with an old friend, who has since graduating starred in an original film showcased Sundance, a re-make of The Bluest Eye that had the opportunity to travel the Northeast, not to mention a few commercials and syndicated shows here and there, it dawned on me that I was just slightly bored with my choices.

She asked, "So what's new?" I had no real response.

"How is school?" the blank stare on my face gave me away.

"Jenn, what's your passion?" Crap. That question again.

That was the real jail. I like to read. I like to write. It's what I do. I like art and occasionally film.
Once I started graduate school, I just got too busy to write. I had even sort of forgotten how.

I did not write in my journal a single time from September 2006 to when I quit my last job at the beginning of 2008. I had nothing to write. Didn't make time to write. Forgot what it felt like to hold a pen. This from a person who keeps stacks of journals in her closet dating back to high school. I like to refer to this 2 year period as the dark ages. Where my undergrad experience was one of the most thought provoking, introspective, that just ain't how grad school works.

Nonetheless, I have never considered quitting, even when my stats professor told me I'd never make it through business school. And despite a gpa tht won't hit 3.0 (I tried, its statistically impossible), its enough to graduate.

I know that some of you have recently applied to graduate programs, which inspired me to write this. Whether you are pursuing degrees in Education, Psychology, Law or Literature, I wish you the best of luck. For those applying to Business programs, may god help you and the current economic crisis. You can use your stimulus package for textbooks.

For those of you in a similar predicament as I was just a few years back, where I was unfulfilled in my life and thought grad school sounded like a good thing to do, try therapy instead. Might save you money.

So back to answer her question, what's my passion?

This.

Thanks for asking, girl.