Why we hate the corny dude

You went to sleep to avoid the reality that fine dude consistently ignores you despite the fact that you should have any guy you want. I'm beautiful you say. I have a big butt and a brain. What's going wrong? You rationalize, you get no response, you check your phone and nothing. And then the sound of a slight vibration awakes you. A missed call. Can't be. And from 718 number that you have never seen before. You get gassed and think maybe its fine dude who you are mildly head over heels even when he pays you no mind. You go to check your voicemail and you think finally, he has recognized the fabulous woman that I am and has come around.

Nope.

Fine dude is never coming around. Your heart nearly skipped 5 beats when you thought it was fine dude, but you have now discovered it is corny dude, and it makes you want to disconnect your service. You literally met him the same week you met fine dude last summer and you have been talking for what seems like too long and you've NEVER actually gone out. He calls from his home, his work, his cell--you have every possible number stored, and yet his calls are never announced. You have his every point of contact, and in the event that you actually wanted to get in touch with him there's no way you could ever say, I lost (one of your many) numbers. Left some wack message about possibly talking about arranging a time to hopefully hang out. Clearly he is not in sales because he never directly asks for the business. Calls you elusive. You laugh to yourself--not if you ask fine dude, I can't keep myself from blowing him up. And to make matters worse, you deleted corny dude from your phone (again) a week ago after fine dude hinted at the potentiality of "doing sumthin this wkend." But now, when there is nothing else in the pipeline, you entertain the idea of dating him because he is very tall, he isn't ugly and the story "we met in business school" seems to have a nice, safe, reliable ring, and it will help you justify the return on the MBA loans if it also yields an MRS (Ew. Just the thought makes you lose all interest in sex. You'd rather get cats). And now you are pissed at him and he hasn't even done anything, just because he isn't the other dude and he can't control the corniness.

So stop wondering why despite the plethora of dates, you are still very single. Stop chasing fine dude and it would be a good start. So you find yourself on your blackberry, digging through old emails from corny dude to find his cell (which is included in the signature of each note) becuase you don't want to call him at home.

Admit to yourself that not wanting you is not a desired quality, and there is no reason to act pathetic.

If fine dude is reading this, I hate you.... Call me (lol).

If corny dude is reading this, I am sorry that even though your lack of charm is mildly endearing, you are mostly a victim of circumstance. Your timing really stinks. Blame it on fine dude. See you Friday night.