Why we hate the corny dude

You went to sleep to avoid the reality that fine dude consistently ignores you despite the fact that you should have any guy you want. I'm beautiful you say. I have a big butt and a brain. What's going wrong? You rationalize, you get no response, you check your phone and nothing. And then the sound of a slight vibration awakes you. A missed call. Can't be. And from 718 number that you have never seen before. You get gassed and think maybe its fine dude who you are mildly head over heels even when he pays you no mind. You go to check your voicemail and you think finally, he has recognized the fabulous woman that I am and has come around.

Nope.

Fine dude is never coming around. Your heart nearly skipped 5 beats when you thought it was fine dude, but you have now discovered it is corny dude, and it makes you want to disconnect your service. You literally met him the same week you met fine dude last summer and you have been talking for what seems like too long and you've NEVER actually gone out. He calls from his home, his work, his cell--you have every possible number stored, and yet his calls are never announced. You have his every point of contact, and in the event that you actually wanted to get in touch with him there's no way you could ever say, I lost (one of your many) numbers. Left some wack message about possibly talking about arranging a time to hopefully hang out. Clearly he is not in sales because he never directly asks for the business. Calls you elusive. You laugh to yourself--not if you ask fine dude, I can't keep myself from blowing him up. And to make matters worse, you deleted corny dude from your phone (again) a week ago after fine dude hinted at the potentiality of "doing sumthin this wkend." But now, when there is nothing else in the pipeline, you entertain the idea of dating him because he is very tall, he isn't ugly and the story "we met in business school" seems to have a nice, safe, reliable ring, and it will help you justify the return on the MBA loans if it also yields an MRS (Ew. Just the thought makes you lose all interest in sex. You'd rather get cats). And now you are pissed at him and he hasn't even done anything, just because he isn't the other dude and he can't control the corniness.

So stop wondering why despite the plethora of dates, you are still very single. Stop chasing fine dude and it would be a good start. So you find yourself on your blackberry, digging through old emails from corny dude to find his cell (which is included in the signature of each note) becuase you don't want to call him at home.

Admit to yourself that not wanting you is not a desired quality, and there is no reason to act pathetic.

If fine dude is reading this, I hate you.... Call me (lol).

If corny dude is reading this, I am sorry that even though your lack of charm is mildly endearing, you are mostly a victim of circumstance. Your timing really stinks. Blame it on fine dude. See you Friday night.

Interracial Dating (The Effed Up Truth)

Ok, so let me start by saying that my original intention was to address domestic violence a la Chris Brown & Rihanna, but then someone forwarded me this link, a top 10 of interracial dating combinations, and I didn't know whether to laugh, cry or be mad.

Just wanted to share with everyone... Please note that in every scenario, black men just want to "hit it one good time." And from the looks of this list, Latinas never get with Asians.... things that make you go hmmm.

http://fiyastarter.com/fs-pages/fs-socgen-interrelation10.html

The Pursuit of Happiness (Psychology Today)

Happy Monday :)

This week is fraught with all kinds of topics that I can write about--namely the impending Hallmark Holiday which I refuse to acknowledge by name because I don't have someone to buy me flowers or chocolates--but today, I'd rather share an article that I read over a month ago, and have been meaning to share for quite some time. Don't ask me why I read Psychology Today, but I actually really enjoy the articles. I consider them therapy-lite, for those of us that want a taste of understanding and self-discovery without the clinical jargin.

Anyhoo, this article touches on some very true, yet often overlooked aspects of happiness:

- "Happiness" is not something to be experienced 24/7, yet modern society constantly encourages us to perpetually seek it. If we were happy all the damn time, how would we even know what it feels like anymore?

-Pain is part of happiness: That quick fixes (which I often indulge in, be it chocolate or new clothing) tend to be our way to temporary escape real emotions of sadness, disappointment, etc.--the icky stuff that we want to get off as soon as possible. The trouble with quick fixes is that you may never confront what's really underneath. If we confront the root of the problem, we may actually find ourselves closer to happiness, so therefore, by running, we really cause the opposite effect that we are trying to achieve...

- Simple, yet true: Some people are just born to be happy. I know, we all hate them, but some people just naturally see the bright side. The rest of us need a little of what they've been sipping on...

-Getting What You Want Doesn't Bring Lasting Happiness: Ain't that that damn truth. How many times have you struggled to get something you thought would solve all your problems, and in the end, it wasn't all that it was cracked up to be? The author suggest that for some of us the process of achieving your goals can be as rewarding, if not more, than actually getting there. Keep that in mind the next time you want to skip waking up for the gym.

Here's the link, so you can read on.... I really enjoyed it. Hope you can find something to be "happy" about today...

http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/pto-20081215-000001.html

Source: Flora, Carlin. "The Pursuit of Happiness," Psychology Today. January 2009

Psychology Today Magazine, Jan/Feb 2009

Last Reviewed 31 Jan 2009

Article ID: 4738

New Face of G.O.P. Brings a Brash Style (nytimes.com)

In case you wanted to get the scoop on Michael Steele, here's today's article from The New York Times: http://www.nytimes.com/2009/02/04/us/politics/03web-nagourney.html?partner=permalink&exprod=permalink

The New Black on Black Crime: Michael Steele's Gang Violence

So if you having been paying attention to the news, you have probably heard the new chairmen of the RNC, Michael Steele trying to assassinate our modern day Camelot, the vision that has become Barack Obama and the First Family. He is making it his personal business to dead all stimulus packages and Cabinet nominations. It is like Booker T. vs. WEB DeBois and the New Negro, Part II. Michael Steele claims that he is out to rebuild the Republican party, appeal to the youth and ressurrect American family values. Gross.


To make a reference to the term Harriet Beecher Stowe made oh-so-famous, Uncle Tom, is an understatement.

It is not a coincidence that his party ran a platform that bordered hate speech, with Palin claiming that President Obama had been "pal-ing" around with terrorists, or making remarks about his being Muslim (which is untrue), as if that made him ineligible to run for the presidency. Seriously, for the Repubican Party to appoint this man as chairman of the RNC is as obvious a tactic as was adding Sarah Palin to the ticket as Vice-President, as if Hilary supporters were not going to see through this very tacky political trick. Black people are not going to flock to the Republican Party because Steele is appointed.


Just the contrary, their base--their small town, small mind America base is probably planning to abandon ship. Moreover, this underhanded notion that President Obama can only be taken down by another prominent Black figure basically undermines his whole platform of being the people's president, not just a Black President.



I am sure that right now white people in Kentucky are rioting in the streets. Pro-lifers are suffering meltdowns and KKK members are wondering how they lost their grip. If nothing else comes of this appointment, I hope its to disenfranchise the ignorant. Maybe they will stay home all together in 2012, and hopefully we will win by an even bigger landslide.

Ask for a Background Check

I almost passed out after reading this article in The New York Times. It appeared as part of their "Modern Love" column in this Sunday's Style section. Please read carefully and arm yourself. I know the point of this is to be open-minded, but this just scared me of what is out there even more. Everyone needs a little love, I guess.

Read the column:
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/25/fashion/25love.html?partner=permalink&exprod=permalink

Go Get Rejected.

Tis true that there is always an upside to everything, and I have finally found the silver lining to my recent man debacle. I WAS REJECTED!!!!! YESSSSSS!!!!! Part of why I write this blog is to help me (and hopefully you) make sense of all the craziness that happens to and around us day in and day out. And while I can't always understand why in the moment, taking a few minutes out of the day usually puts me a step closer to clarity. And it took a little Nas, a long commute and a good friend to help me realize that there is happiness in rejection.

INFORMATION IS KEY:

While I have been walking around with a "woe-is-me" attitude because I have been made celibant and lonely (and not by choice), I should have realized the beauty in the situation. At least I know. No one wants to be the rebound that lasts 6 years (yes, this happens, I personally know of women that have literally "waited" a man out, thinking it would end with white dresses and flower girls, and all they got was pat on the ass as the walked out). Wouldn't you rather know that there is ZERO potential when your investment and risk level is low? So at least now I know.

I DID IT, AND I DIDN'T DIE:
The second major exciting takeway from my recent rejection is that I was able to put myself out there--no not like that...get your mind out of the gutter. I mean, I identified something I wanted (whether it was meant for me or not is a different story) and I did what I could to get it. I have never in my 26 years ever communicated to a man that I was interested in him. I usually wind up with the one that pursues the hardest, chases the longest and after I exhaust from running (and with the aid of social lubricants like alchohol), I give in. Last New Years, my goal was to break this cycle, and be active in my selection, as opposed to sitting around waiting to be harpooned. And, if nothing else, I accomplished this. At least I can say that I was rejected by the most intellectual, and unequivocally handsome man I have ever known. Better to be rejected by smart and sexy than go out with the loser who can always do a lunch date because he never has a job.

I CAN STOP WONDERING, AND MOVE ON:
This one is simple, but not nearly appreciated the way it should be. Once you know, you can move on. And close the door (as necessary). There is no wondering because you gave it a go, and well, it didn't go. If it wasn't meant to be, then so be it, but at least you don't need to create fantasies or lose sleep wondering what woulda, shoulda, coulda because it can't.

So, if you're feeling up for it, put yourself out there today. Every day. As good friend said to me last night, after wine had numbed the original pain we suffered from our mutual recent rejections, "Put it out there. Why not?" Just to put it into perspective, think of how many doors have been slammed in the face of Black people over centuries. Without those doors closing, the desire for change would have never come about. And we would not have all eventually shared the historic moment that we did on January 20th, as we watched the inauguration of the first African-American President whether at home, out in the cold, online, on TV or the radio. You can't know what you want or appreciate what you have without these pains. Rejection is a part of life.

So go make face time with your boss to start talking about your professional development aka your promotion. Ask someone out. Tell someone you love them. Whatever it may be, go out and get yours. Even if it doesn't go your way, at least you will be better for it. Brighter days are on the horizon.